Continuing Conflict Management

One concept that I would have liked to discuss further would definitely be conflict management. In any relationship, no matter what the type, there is always some sort of conflict, and I feel as if most people don’t know the best way to deal with it. Also, as I have experienced since reading that chapter, when one side of the relationship knows how to effectively manage conflict, the quality of communication in the relationship greatly improves. I am even considering making some people in my relationships read that chapter, because I feel like if both of us knew the techniques for effective conflict management, our relationships would benefit greatly. Conflict management is an important concept, because people who manage conflict poorly risk ruining good relationships. I have definitely experienced times where my relationship with someone almost fell apart completely because neither of us could listen to the other or focus on the main point rather than kitchensinking during a conflict. I think conflict management is a topic that could be discussed endlessly, due to its importance in any and every relationship.

Likes and Dislikes

One of my favorite things about this class was the availability of the professor. Whenever I had a question, it was answered promptly through e-mail, or even better, I loved the instant message office hours. I wish all professors held office hours like that, even if only once a week. One of the things I liked the least in this class was having to wait 12 hours in between each of my posts. There were times were I just wanted to finish all my homework, and while I could write them all at once, I still had to remember to log online and post them at three separate times, which at times was inconvenient. I also didn’t like having to comment on three separate peoples’ posts. Sometimes people wouldn’t post until the last part of the week, which was inconvenient if I wanted to get things done early on. Also, sometimes all the posts available to comment on would be on the same topic, making writing the comments very repetitive. I think this class could be improved if the blogging requirements were slightly altered, but other than that I didn’t really have any problems.

What I've Learned

In this class, I learned a lot about managing and growing successful relationships through communication. Before this class, one of the weakest points in the relationship between my boyfriend and I was that we couldn’t manage conflict effectively. After reading that chapter in the book, I was able to apply the concepts I learned to our actual relationship and see how they were able to make our communication ten times better. I also learned a lot about communication in society. I learned that there is acceptable and not acceptable ways and situations to communicate in in our current day society, and that these expectations are always changing. Through learning about all the aspects of communication- such as listening, confirming, constructive criticism, internal and external obstacles, etc.- I have been able to analyze all relationships in my life and figure out how to help them grow. I learned how to better my lifelong best friend that I rarely see relationship, and how to keep our friendship strong even when we’re not able to talk or see each other often. On the other hand, I also learned how to better deal with my family members relationships, who I see often. I also learned how to act with strangers and people I hardly know, and how to communicate with new friends in order to grow friendships with them. I personally feel as if I have greatly benefited from all I’ve learned in this class.

Family Stages

A concept I found interesting this week is the typical life cycle of families with childre. This 7 stage cycle was clearly defined step by step in our book. The book acknowledged that not every stage would be followed by every family, but that this was a generalized cycle. Seeing the cycle written in Figure 12.2 put life in a new perspective for me and made it appear extremely short and compact. In reality, however, each stage does ideally last for a good amount of time. I feel like one of the most difficult stages for a couple would be Stage 6, or the postlaunching of children. This stage seems hard, because after having a long life of watching and helping your children grow, it all ends. They leave home and I could imagine that would be a very startling transition for a couple. Returning to a relationship where the couple is once again the primary unit could be odd at first. However, maybe it would just take a little time to get back into the old rhythm, and a couple would begin to enjoy more freedom with less responsibilities. I know that after seeing this cycle, if I plan to have kids I would want to have them spread out over years, in order to prolong the cycle and keep Stage 6 as far away as possible.

Marriage

The definition of marriage has evolved greatly over the years. While it once was considered something to be help sacred and kept no matter what, nowadays it is looser and less restricting. People marry for love more often than for obligation now, and if that love runs out people have accepted that it is ok to go find a new happiness elsewhere. This can be seen in the increasing rates of divorce and then second marriages after divorce. Over the next fifty years, I see these numbers staying the same, because people have come to terms with the fact that no one’s perfect but we all deserve happiness in our lives. If a relationship that began with love is now bringing frustration or sadness, it has become okay to leave the sadness in search of a new happiness, and I don’t see people developing a diversion to searching for happiness. A more significant change in marriage that I see happening hopefully sooner than in 50 years is the widespread acceptance and acknowledgment of same sex marriage. Not civil union, not partnership- nothing short of true, pure, equal marriage that heterosexual couples have had access to since the dawn of time. I believe our values and culture is changing, slowly but surely, and soon will no longer see any justice in denying this right to our peers. Hopefully we will all see that this is just an extension of our developing search for lifelong happiness.

Definition of Family

I believe family should be defined as a group of people who care for each other and make commitments to stay loyal and supportive. They need not be related or married, but could be families of friends based on different circumstances. Family members should help each other when there are problems and always be supportive of one another. They should not feel obligated to do anything, but should want to be with each other. Family members should trust one another and not do anything to betray that trust. I believe the total marriage relationship described in this chapter best fits this description. Removing the married aspect, it applies to all types of families I described. Family members should have separate interests and activities, yet look forward to being with each other. Devitalized and conflict-habituated relationships strongly does not fit. A family should like each other and should not stay together only because they are obligated.

Love and Commitment

In one of my first relationships, I experienced love without commitment. While I and the guy I was seeing both experienced love, only I wanted commitment. As a result, we didn’t last long, because I wanted more from him than he was willing to give at the time. Relationships that I can think of where there is commitment but not love might be one between a waning couple. Although I can’t think of a time I’ve been in a relationship like that, I can imagine it would come when a couple has been together for a long time and is therefore committed, but does not want to admit that the love they once had is now gone. In the first type of relationship, there could be a negative impact on the person who wanted commitment from the person who didn’t want to give it. However, if both people wanted love with no commitment, I think it could be a fun but not serious relationship. A relationship like the second might be a hard one to be in and have a negative impact on both people. While they have invested so much time and energy and are still so committed, it is hard to recognize that love might be gone and it’s even harder to walk away from the relationship. I don’t think either type of relationship is positive, and one should work on having a romantic relationship with equal parts commitment and love.